Di Jokes

I was crying at school and telling my friends that my grandpa died. Then I told them I still remember his last words, they wanted to hear them. They are: you still holding the ladder

Me and my grandpa went on a road trip and he died that was the last thing we did together and I will never forget his last words “WAKE UP YOU DUMBASS”

Shit I’m never gonna try commit suicide again ,I almost died

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral. This friend asks his wife "Can I say a word?" "Of course" she says. The man stands up and says "Plethora" The man's wife says "Thanks, it means a lot"

One day a man dies and goes to heaven. He gets there and sees a bunch of clocks. He asks Jesus, "Hey what are the clocks for?" Jesus replies, "They move every time you sin." "This is Mother Teresa's, It has not moved so she has not sinned." "This one is Abraham Lincoln's, It has moved twice so he sinned twice." "The man asks, Where is Joe Biden's?" Jesus replies, "It's in my office- I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

a man died and went to heaven. here he met jesus. there were two clocks, the man asked whats with the clocks?. jesus answered this is mother theresa's clock she has not lied so the clock hasnt moved, this is abraham lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice so its moved twice. where's donald trumps the man asked. jesus replied: its in my office im using it as a ceiling fan.

You know every time we think of sex an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

I went into a dark basement with a flashlight, but then it died, but I was not scared, I was actually delighted.

Little Johny sits on a chair. He notices he is sitting on something, Then he sees a plastic di##. He asks his mom whats that and mom didnt now. so when his dad comes home from work he sees him with the plastick di## and says son why uy messing with my personal toy

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said "I inherited a watering hole." Bewildered I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?" "I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Levon Aronian's wife died in a car crash. That's wheelie unfortunate.

A man comes home and the wife says 'My ex just died by getting hit by a bus' and the husband said 'I lost my job as a bus driver'

What did Michael jackson say before he died, as far as his chidhood? This is it.

What noise did Steven Hawkings make when he died? Windows Shutting down

my grandma always said, slow and steady wins the race. she died in a fire.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”

A farm full of cows were bombed and only two survived. All of the udders died.

Two guys watching a war movie at a Bar are talking , one says to the other. " The Nazi's starved my dad to death in a concentration camp during the war". The other says " my Dad died in a camp as well...he broke his neck" First guy says " how did he break his neck?" Second guy says " He fell out of the Guard Tower".

An orphan entered the high school for the first time. He has no knowledge of the school. He went to the secretary and asked where shall he go. The secretary then gave the orphan a schedule and said to the secretary, “Where is home room?” The secretary then said which home room number did it say and it showed 1. The orphan then starting to weep and said that his parents died right as he stole his first base in baseball.