Development jokes
1st graders: Ay yo girl, I think you’re beautiful, let’s get married!!
2nd graders: Uhh, don’t tell my mom that we’re dating!! She won’t let me date! Let’s keep this a seeeeecret heeheehee.
3rd graders: Uh, my teacher told me to stay after school because I wrote a poem about you and I’m 9 years old, we have to break up, sweetie.
4th graders: Hey, I think you’re cute!! Wanna date? I don’t think my girlfriend will mind.......
5th graders (they start wearing makeup): Ay girl, your eyelashes are pretty, I like you now, wanna date? Here’s my numberrrrrr.
6th graders: Heyyyyy, I gotta tell you a secret, I got a crush on you!! Don’t tell anyone!! Byeee, ooh, I’ll text you later!
7th graders: We need to make Peyton jealous because she broke up with you!! Wanna date? I mean, you’re not hot, but still, great personalityyyyy, alright, bye now.
8th graders: Hi sweetheart, I got STARRRBUCKKKSSS
Me: UGLY AF AND LITERALLY NO BOYFRIEND.....
How do you stop a baby from crawling around in circles?
You nail its other hand to the floor.
Why can I be black? Because I look like I have puberty, and I sound like I had puberty.
They say they found water on Mars. Mars 1, Africa 0.
When I was little, I used to think that the people in cartoons were real people...until I turned 7. I realized that it was just people doing voices. Sad, isn't it?
What happens to a baby when you let it run loose? It can't cause it can't run yet.
I might have to back down on this because it is usually aimed for little children.
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."
Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."
What's the difference between a suicide bomber and puberty?
Puberty waits for the blow up.
Where did the software developer go?
I don’t know, he ransomware!
Heterosexual sodomy is like religion. If you were forced to accept it when you were younger, you probably would not like it when you become an adult.
At night, before I got in bed with my girl, I had 206 bones, but I developed a 207th bone.
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.
Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?
Early access.
Why can't a little girl fly? She doesn't have the proper motivation.
When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."
Why did you say hi? Babies don't talk.
Why was the Ethiopian baby crying?
It was having a mid-life crisis.