What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?
Showing them the ropes.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?
It left him hanging.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
These jokes cheered me up from suicide. This is amazing material. God bless all of you.
What's the difference between that bridge and my will to live? None, they're both too short.
what is less than 0?
my will to live.
Roses are red, life has no meaning, voices in my head, are constantly screaming.
Instead of Edward Scissorhands, I’m Edwardscissor wrists.
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.
Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?
After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.
I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.
Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.
Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."
What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?
Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)
How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
