Depression jokes

When the school shooter walks by the emo kid and doesn’t feel his gun anymore.

It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.

Why couldn't the emo kid hang himself?

After eating through his feelings, the belt wouldn't fit around his neck.

I feel bad for cumming on my turtle.

Why the fuck would I do that? I should have never masturbated in front of my turtle. So basically I was watching porn on my 55 inch tv and my turtle was next to me on the couch. The porno was really old. It was a DVD from 2002. It was probably the hottest porn I have ever watched and honestly I'm probably going to watch porn on dvd instead of from the internet. The only reason I had my turtle with me was because whenever I cum, I feel really depressed and lonely, so I thought that if my turtle watched with me I wouldn't feel lonely. Well, I started stroking my willie, I used lotion, I took all my clothes off, but my dumbass forgot the tissues. I realized that I forgot to grab tissues but it was too late. I was going to cum. I didn't want to cum everywhere so I had to think fast. It was when I saw my turtle when I realized what I had to do. I came like a motherfucker. My turtle was painted with my cum in his tiny little face and all around his shell. He didn't say a word about it, he didn't move, he just stood there looking at me like I killed a bunch of children. I would never forget the look my turtle gave me. His disappointing face broke my heart. I put on my clothes, I took my turtle to the bathroom and cleaned him off. What happened, happened. But my turtle would never forget what happened. My turtle, Tommy, would never forgive me. Today, I passed by him and I know he still remembers what I did to him 3 hours ago. My only wish is that one day, Tommy the turtle will forgive me for my horrible sins.

Nike isn't helpful for suicidal people. You can't tell them to "Just Do It."

What do you call a depressed person holding a knife?

Freedom yay! (so funny ikr)

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.

How does NASA organize a party? -- They planet.

Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.

Friend: Why?

Me: So they would hang themselves.

Why do people want emo grass? Because it'll cut itself.

If you wanna really know how to get under my skin, give me a razor and maybe we'll talk ;)

I'm jealous of my LED lights, 'cause they're hanging from the ceiling and I'm not.

My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.

If I'm still single by Christmas, Santa won't be the only one jumping off a roof.

Why did the orphan commit suicide?

So he could find home.

I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.

What makes sad people jump? A bridge.

Life would be so much easier if grass was emo.

Because it would cut itself.