Depression jokes
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
How do you make the grass cut itself?
Make it depressed.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Why are Nepalese bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their king!
Wanna come hang out with me?
I constantly wonder how people can live happily ever after, but then I realized that antidepressants don't make you OD.
Just buy emo grass, then you will never have to mow your lawn again.
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I don't even care!
Me: Y’all should start calling me 1943.
Friend: Why?
Me: 'Cause I’m going through my own Great Depression.
Friend 1: Did you?
Depressed friend 2: I didn't!
Friend one: Swear on your life!
Depressed friend 2: I swear.
A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.
My teacher called me beautiful. I hate when she lies.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.
The cure for depression is around the corner... There it is, the train.
My depression is depressed.
My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
Two friends fighting.
Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"
Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."
Ethan Fennel
What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?
Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.