Depression jokes

My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!

I'm in the year 1930...

The Great Depression.

I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.

So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.

Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)

Frank: Yo

Fred: Hi...

Frank: U heard about de competition?

Fred: Yeah...

Frank: You wanna hang out?

Fred: .......

Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.

Fred: ...I(

Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.

Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.

I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.

What do gay people get for Christmas?

Discrimination.

Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?

Me: No.

Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.

What do you call a depressed person's life?

At this point, nonexistent.

A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"

Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.

I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?

My mind.

When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.

Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂

If you know it, you know it.

I saw a tree. I looked up, and there was an apple hanging. And then I said, "Wow, that guy is lucky!"

Man: *steals drink*

Boy: bro😭😭

Man: Why are u crying over a drink?

Boy: That had drugs.

Man: ....