Depression jokes
My mom asked me if I was okay, so I replied, "I will be," and jumped out the window!
I'm in the year 1930...
The Great Depression.
I wish my grass were emo, so it would cut itself.
So, there's Fred and Frank. Now, they've been friends for years, but Fred, see, he's depressed. Badly.
Either way, so F+F are texting each other, and here's how it goes: (this is my first joke, so please don't judge too harshly)
Frank: Yo
Fred: Hi...
Frank: U heard about de competition?
Fred: Yeah...
Frank: You wanna hang out?
Fred: .......
Frank: What? I've got some noose (news) for you.
Fred: ...I(
Frank: Fine.... I guess we need to think of a plan, though. We don't wanna be hanging on the end.
Fred: *sigh* You know....you really can't rope me into this competition.
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
What do gay people get for Christmas?
Discrimination.
Man: *steals drink*
Boy: bro😭😭
Man: Why are u crying over a drink?
Boy: That had drugs.
Man: ....
What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.
What do you call a depressed person's life?
At this point, nonexistent.
My mom: If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?
Me: No.
Attack on Titan music starts playing in my head.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
A father bought his depressed son a new house, and then pointing at it, he said, "Hang in there, son!"
I chucked a lamp and a depressed kid, hoping it would brighten up his day.
I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
When somebody says they're depressed (by over-romanticizing their so-called problems) but can't be by your side when you are at your lowest.
Then you know they're faking depression. 🙂
If you know it, you know it.
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Hey guys, how was your day?
If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.
I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.