Depression jokes
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
I'm so depressed that when I smile, my Face ID doesn't recognize me.
I want to die at a party. This is because nobody can be sad over me.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
when someone says to cheer up: you, I never thought of that. :)
-> in reality, :( (sob)
depression is no game, and here in this world, we are here for each other, although at times it might not seem like it.
Keep strong, and you'll find the end of the tunnel, but ending the pain and being gone just spreads depression.
What does a knife have but not my life...
A point.
Friend: How's it going?
Me: Good, things are good!
Parent: How are you?
Me: Oh, I'm fine!
Twitter: Compose new tweet?
Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.
I wish my dog was depressed so she can cut her own nails.
Sometimes I just wake up in the morning and think, "Damn, better luck next time!"
My son came up to me and said, "Dad, I'm depressed."
I pointed to the spare room and said, "Hang in there, son."
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
Why can't dwarfs be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What is a suicidal horny person's job?
A butcher.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
A man walks into a bar and says, "I'm feeling depressed. What do you have to cheer me up?"
The bartender replied: "A shotgun."
Teacher: What do you want when you grow up?
That depressed kid in class: Dead.
My dad came over late at night. He was drunk. He started telling me how useless I was. Then I went to the kitchen, grabbed a knife, and stabbed him in the chest 47 times.
Three minutes later, he died. Now I’m losing my mind and cutting myself.
My math teacher asked me what a liked term was. I told her I couldn't say, never experienced it.
what do sloths and depressed people have in common? ... they both hang from trees.
I was at a funeral and made a joke. No one laughed, but someone died.