My wife told me she was fat and depressed. She asked me to compliment her, so I said, "You have perfect eyesight!"
Cars are like bullets; you jump in front of one, and they solve all your problems.
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
Worry I am dead
What so depressed teenagers and fruits have In common? They both Hang by something
I fucking love rhubarbs.
Me: The light wow brighter than my future.
A guy walks into a bar, he's like, "What's your number, lad?" and the woman is like, "298-777-fatso.com" and he walked home depressed.
What’s the similarity between a broken pencil and my life? They’re both pointless.
What's the most emo name?
Carter.
Bob: What is the percent of people who are depressed?
Me: If you're only counting me, 100%.
Why did the orphan die?
He killed himself because the lack of a support system made him depressed.
I wish I was a policeman, 'cause then I would actually have a gun to shoot myself with.
A depressed guy walks into a utensil store and finds a knife, but he didn't stab himself... Part 2 coming out tomorrow.
I went to a depressed person and said, "Do you wanna hang with me?"
You really can't call Stalin bad, just think about the kids that depression.
I tried to calculate 3/(my life), and I kept getting zero.
I'm gonna open up a bar for emos.
I think I'll call it "The Cutting Board."
Girl: "...I like you... do you like me back?"
Me: "Nope."
Girl: *is depressed* "Oh okay...."
Me: "You never said \"love\"".
Girl: "Oh! well do you love me?"
Me: "Frick no."
