Depression jokes

One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

Man: "I am 35 years old."

Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

Y'all wanna hear a joke? My life.

Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.

Please no harsh comments toward each other.

Why is James depressed?........ because he's a bitch.

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

If I die, does my depression die with me?

My dad may be working, but the coping mechanisms sure aren't!

I went to an emo kid who just got a haircut, and instead of saying, "Like your cut, G," I slapped his arm and said, "I like your cuts, G."

How's your dad?

What? I forgot he's still sleeping.

Who's the world's fastest readers?

9/11 victims.

With great depression comes great antidepressants.

Who am I?

Two friends were hanging out with each other next to a tree.

Too bad only one was standing. :)

They tried to make me laugh, but I was already DYING.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

Let's have toast in the bath.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.