Depression Jokes

One man was very depressed because he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home, and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grieve.

Suddenly, with his head raised up, he sees Santa Claus walking by. "Santa?" he asks. "Why are you early? It is not even Christmas?"

"Ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Let's worry about you instead," says Santa. "What is the problem, my friend?"

"I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house."

Santa: "I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life, and I'll give it to you."

Man: "My first wish is I want my house back."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My second wish is I want 1 million in cash in my bank account."

Santa: "Done!"

Man: "My third wish is I also want my job back!"

Santa: "Done, but before I actually give you those wishes, I have to hump you."

Man: "Okay. Let's do it."

So Santa Claus takes off his pants to hump the man.

After they are done humping, Santa asks the man: "How old are you?"

Man: "I am 35 years old."

Santa: "And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!"

Y'all wanna hear a joke....... My life

Hey you, the person who's scrolling, I know you might have depression and some feel they can't talk to anyone about it, so in the comments please, if you need to talk to others, if you comment about it and say you need to talk to someone, I promise you that I will talk to you. You are not alone, and even though it seems it won't change and get better, it will, I promise.

Please no harsh comments toward each other.

Why is James depressed?........ because he's a bitch.

I'm not a chef, but boy, are these days getting harder and harder to get through.

I'm glad we're all going virtual so I can cuss in front of my class and blame it on my stupid siblings.

So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery

The tree left him hanging though

whos the world fastest readers? 9/11 victims.

Are you a bullet? 'Cause you're stuck in my head.

Let's have toast in the bath.

You never think of how people will react to an event. My friend gets discounts at any store he goes to.

Are you a mental hospital? Cause I need to be in you.

if i die does my depression die with me?

What is depressing, alone, chronic, and messed up? Me.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

I'm 17, right? Anyways, the other day my parents told me a joke they made 17 years ago, but they still haven't told the joke yet.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

How do you get a depressed person to jump?

Put them on a bridge.

They tried to make me laugh but I was already DYING.

With great depression comes great antidepressants.