Depression jokes

The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself.

So I treat everyone like garbage.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso espresso.

I wish I could be as visible as my depression is.

I’m happy to be with my EA when I go to school.

How can you save a depressed person from a tree?

You cut the rope.

My life.

Tell me when you get it.

So, my parents were telling me about this dark joke they made 17 years ago, but they didn't actually tell me the joke.

Knock knock. Who's there? Depression. Depression who? Depression you!

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.

You know how we all have different sides? Well, I have a suicidal side. (Here a bang in the next room.) Oh well, not anymore :)

You know, people always say your life is worth it, but with me, it's worth-it-less.

What's both red, white and sometimes purple?

My arms...

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

Teacher: Who here has thought about committing suicide?

Half of the class: *raises hand*

Teacher: ...

The half of the class: *Starts talking about how they were thinking of doing it*

To whoever stole my antidepressants, I hope you are happy now.

I don't call it suicide. I call it population control.

Person: Where do I commit suicide?

Dog: Roof.

Person: Good idea.

The more suicidal people there are, the less suicidal people there are.

My mom told me it's not healthy to stay in my room all day... but the only places I'm allowed to go to are my room and downstairs.

At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"