Depression jokes

What do you call a depressed tree?

A wood cutter.

What is the difference between me and a fire?

It's hot.

What is a joke that will never end even though you want it to?

For me, life.

Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?

Why is September 11th the best birthday ever? No one forgets it :)

Yo mama so fat and old, she is the reason the Great Depression happened.

What does a depressed person and a chicken have in common? They both try to fly.

Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.

My depressed friend said he wanted to jump off of a bridge but he didn’t wanna commit suicide. I told him if you jump and yell "parkour," it’ll just be a failed stunt.

My friend asked me if I wanted to hang out by the tree later. I said, "Yeah, I was gonna hang there."

Roses are red, violets are blue, the last time people got depressed ended World War II.

Your mum is so fat, when I see her, I get depressed.

What's the one thing that makes a depressed person jump? A bridge.

What did the talking rope say to the man?

"Just hang in there."

Mom: That's why your dad left you.

Me: Why?

Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.

Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!

Mom: Your dad had a heart attack two weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!

(This actually did happen in real life.)

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

You look sexy with that rope around your neck.

When I die, I'll let everyone I kept dear lower my coffin into the ground.

So they can let me down one last time.

I got detention for giving an emo kid a glow stick... I tried to lighten his spirit.

I might not be able to make my bed, but at least I can get out of it.