Abortion is a really touchy subject for me. On one hand, there's dead babies! But on the other hand, women get a choice.
Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
To make up her mind.
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
When a woman decides to abort, it is called a decision, but when I run my truck into a playground of kids, it is called murder.
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!
What type of bee can't make up his mind?
A maybe.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
Abortion isn't murder, it's just canceling a pre-order.
Guys, comment below if I should do a name reveal!
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it's kinda like dodging your own bullets.
Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson has made a laudable, command decision to omit real firearms from his movie sets.
This being the case, he ought to produce, direct, and star in his next movie titled: “The Rubber Gun Squad!” 👌 😉
I'm torn on the issue of abortion. I'm pro-abortion because it kills babies, but I'm against abortion because it gives women a choice.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no balls to do it.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
Who were the people that survived 9/11?
The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.
I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.
Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.
It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.
You: Its nighttime, shouldn't we be heading to bed?
Boy Roommate: Ok, are you Top or Bottom?
You: Uhhhhhhh
Boy Roommate: No dumby, bunk beds.
You: Thank God.
Boy Roommate: But if you wanna, we can...
You: *faints*
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
My wife of 60 years told me, "Let's go upstairs and make love."
I just sighed and said, "Choose one, I can't do both."
