So an emo shot themselves, and so the detective decides to ask why, but it just goes in one ear and out the other.
What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
Why did the child die? To see God, our father.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
All my friends live in a forest. It's called Aokigahara.
Technoblade never got a wife.
Suicide won't work, I'm already dead inside.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
What's funnier than a dead baby?
A dead baby in a clown suit.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
When you die, people cry and wish you to come back.
But when you do, people scream and run away.
Teacher: "Ok class, what animal jumps the highest?"
Kid: "A leopard."
Quiet kid: "No, it's emo kids. Some of them are still in the air."
Kid: "Broooooooooooo."
We don't joke about orphans unless they have family. Then we assassinate the family.
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
