Five out of six people agree that Russian Roulette is safe.
What is the only warm organ in a dead woman?
My dick!
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
A doctor walks into a room with a dying patient and tells him, "I'm sorry, but you only have 10 left." The patient asks him, "Ten what, Doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?" The doctor calmly looks at him and says, "Nine."
How do you know that Americans hate exercise?
9/11. How else do you explain hundreds of them jumping to their death rather than taking the stairs?
How can one make Death Row a little more fun?
Musical electric chairs.
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Don't challenge Death to a pillow fight.
Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushion.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.
Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.
Why can't you fool an aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
I have a riddle for you:
10 people are on a boat, but they all die due to a tsunami except the captain.
Then, when he gets home, his wife serves him “penguin meat.”
Once he eats it, he starts crying.
Why?
