Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
You've probably heard this one before but screw it
What's the difference between jesus christ and the kid I just killed Jesus christ probably died a virign
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
What is death hell because there is no brige to heven
What do you call a animal in space just death because you need a space suit
Why can't Michael Jackson come within 500 meters of a school. Because he's dead. 😁
Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain
me: *stabs vampire*
wife: omg
me: *beats vampire to death*
wife: OMG
me: what
wife: ur supposed to give them candy
me: well thats a sticky situation now isnt it barbara
what do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
a bath bomb
When I die, I’ll die in a trash can
Corpses aren’t funny- they’re dead serious
what do you call it when a person dies in panera bread
panera dead
The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family
my uncle died on 9 11. her last words were Allah Ackbar.
I caught the flowers at a wedding-now married to a hot guy. But then i caught andit at a funeral i kinda nervo...............
Why did the child die? To see god our father
A man died and went to heaven, everytime you cheat you get a worse car, the first man cheated 5 times he got a jeep, the second man cheat 3 times he got a BMW, the third man never cheated he got a Lamborghini, the second man saw the third man sad he said "why are you sad" the third man said "I saw my wife with a scooter".
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby In a clown suit
