Death jokes
Why did the emo kids stop going to their favorite tree?
It died before them.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
What's the difference between a parachute and a coffin?
One brings you safely to the ground, and the other is a last resort when you've already hit it.
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you suffer from a terminal illness and only have 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean 10? 10 what? months? weeks?"
Doctor: "9, 8, 7..."
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Damn! Really stole my friend's glasses. Well, now they're blind, but not really, they're dead.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
If only they had more mosquito nets in Africa, we could prevent millions of mosquitos dying needlessly of AIDS...
What's the difference between me and cancer?
Well, my dad couldn't beat cancer.
What do alcoholics and necrophiliacs have in common?
They both like cracking open a cold one.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.