Death jokes
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What's funnier than a dead baby? A dead baby in a clown costume.
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
I told my wife I needed a blood transfusion when I could not remember. She said, "Be positive too."
Bad, I am now a ghost writing this.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
What do you call a kid laying down in the classroom? Kill confirmed.
What do you call three kids laying down in the classroom? Kill streak.
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
If being sexy were a crime, you better lock me up.
Not because I'm sexy, but because I have 5 dead children in my basement.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?
Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
A friend of mine loves to play Roulette, so I decided to introduce him to Russian Roulette. It blew his mind.