New Death Jokes - Page 8 - Worst Jokes Ever

How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill two and a half men.

What’s the worst thing about being suicidal?

The school shooter will always spare you.

Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?

Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”

What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?

The HIV test results.

Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.

Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.

I was outside digging a six-foot hole when I found a treasure box with jewels and shiny gems! I almost went inside to tell my wife, then I remembered why I was digging the hole.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

Man: Doctor, where are you taking me?

Doctor: To the morgue.

Man: But I’m not dead yet.

Doctor: Are we there yet?

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.

Why is the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin : )

What do you call it when you're dead because of that one drink in Panera Bread? Panera dead.

I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.

Sayori: *dies*

Monika: "You kinda left her hanging... 😊"

MC: "😨"

"Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?"

"It didn't have the guts!"

The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)

Said the man angered to his wife:

"Now stop the damn suicide tries! Just look at the gas bill!?"

In the hospital, I saw a girl with cancer trying to sleep. The ICU was going beep beep beep. I think that's why she can't sleep, so I turned it off. She's asleep forever now. Nighty night.