Dead jokes
Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.
Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"
Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."
Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."
*Operator hears a distant gunshot*
Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
A mom cow's last words were to the mom cow's son. They were, "You are..." then died. The son thought that he was adopted, but then three years later, the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say, "You were adorable." Then she died once more. Then two years later, she rose from the dead for the last time to say to her son, "And that's why we adopted you."
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?
With a pitchfork.
Why is Technoblade allowed to make jokes about orphans?
'Cause he's dead like their parents!
Bro, my friend told me all his humor is dead and dry, and I was like, "Just like 9/11 victims."
Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?
What do you call a cemetery of dead Arabs? A mine field.
Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What Disney movie does the church make little girls watch?
Snow White and the Seven Deadly Sins.
Buy KFC = 1 dead orphan in your house.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Your dead son.
So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!