Dead jokes

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.

What is the best way to catch a baby from falling off the roof?

With a pitchfork.

Very sad today. Found my pet mouse "Elvis" dead this morning. He was caught in a trap.

How do you know if your wife is dead?

Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.

911 what's your emergency?

Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!

Operator: What happened!?

Me: She bit the tip.

Buy KFC = 1 dead orphan in your house.

So.. err actually, don’t worry. I was gonna make a joke about dead babies, but I had to abort.

Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?

Doctor: The morgue.

Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!

Doctor: And we're not there yet!

What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?

They both hang from a tree!

Depression: Here, your mom just died.

Me: My mom is already dead.

Do you know Stephen is dead? He doesn't have a stone. Do you know how to find him? A metal detector.

What's a dead person's favorite sentence?

"I made it."

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Your dead son.

What's worse than finding one dead baby in a bin? Finding one dead baby in five bins.

What is blue and wiggling on my floor?

A baby in a bag.

My god, my egg jokes are eggcellent!

What's worse than one dead baby in a trash can?

One dead baby in ten trash cans.

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.