Dead

Dead jokes

Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"

Doctor: "To the morgue."

Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."

Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."

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  • I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.

    What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?

    I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.

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  • When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

    Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.

    They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.

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  • Now that Stephen Hawking is dead, the jokes will start to roll in just like he used to.

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  • What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?

    My penis.

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