Dead jokes
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
What do you tell a dead metal fan?
Rust in peace.
What do you call a downy under water?
Dead fish
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Fatty and Skinny were in a bed.
Fatty rolled over, and Skinny was dead.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
Gvido gubis.
How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!
Murder: Wanna play a game?
Me: Ok (pulls out Xbox controller)
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
My dick is red.
Your pussy's pink.
It's really tight
When you're dead.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
What do you call a dancing cow that dies while dancing? Dead mooves.
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
What do my baby and dinosaurs have in common? They are both dead.
Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now? No, because he is dead.
"Sing in music lesson"
"I want to die, I want to die, I want to choke myself, break my neck and die."
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄