Dead

Dead jokes

A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.

Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.

The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,

The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"

Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄

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  • An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?

    The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.

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  • The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."

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  • "Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

    "To the morgue."

    "What? But I’m not dead yet!"

    "And we’re not there yet."

    One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.

    One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"

    The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"

    His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"

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  • What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

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  • What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.

    What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.