On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care centre, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
My Wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side So i crashed the car, then didnt talk to her for the rest of the day for no reason
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
what is the most difficult day in the ghetto fathers day
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Micheal Jackson and Tonya Harding got together back in the day for a horse racing venture..Tonya says.."I'll handle the handicapping, you go ride the 3 year olds"
i bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday- i dont know what he laced them with but i was trippen all day
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
When I was a boy, I had a disease that required me to eat dirt three times a day in order to survive... It's a good thing my older brother told me about it.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around
I see them hang all day
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day, tell you what, they saw me coming.
me: calls suicide hotline hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging
How long does it take for a depressed person to change a light bulb? 5 days. & I’m pretty proud of myself.
Pornhub suggesting me MILF on mother's day....
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, 'why are you crying my son?' 'my parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died,' 'it's just not your day today is it' Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Girlfriend: "One day I will marry and a lot of men will be sad that day." Boyfriend: "Wow, how many men do you plan to marry?"
Its opposite's day today, I gonna tell a orphan that their parents are here.
I went to my sister room one day. I see a trophy, so I ask my sister how did you won this trophy my sister said to me the neighbors gave it to me because I gave out the best hand jobs in the neighbor. I guess my sister put her hands in good use.
