I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.



Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister” Daughter: “I don’t have a…”


Alan Horn

How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons dick tasted funny.



My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"


Anonymous i am

Ya know I’m not to I to black girls, but Kobe’s daughter was smoking!!!


Dark Humor Guy

So three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother, the first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So the mother replies “Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead.” The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So the mother explained “Same as Daisy, when you we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead.” The third daughter then said “ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb” so the mother said “Shut Up Brick!”



I complimented my neighbor’s skeleton decoration for Halloween but they just told me that it’s their anorexic daughter.



So I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her



Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: tooth hurty Dad: all right

Michael Jackson

Billie Jean

So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson’s song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she’s just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. applauds for mother Love you momma =)


make something up!

Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!



What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!



Samson Fernendez

jack and rose went on a cruise to do it in the water. jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.



What does the dead man say to the other he says:your daughter is pretty. The other man says:how do you know? The other man says:because she is dead.



A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!”

The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!”

Guess who dies next.


Kan G'ir

Father : I don’t trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter’s belly,. Son : But Paah you can’t fire me. Father: You’re lucky you’re my brother too or I’d kill you.


Ben Hellyer

What do Chinese parents hate the most?

A new born daughter…


John Frank

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sisters, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughter. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.



You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back



My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.