Date jokes
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
Why did the strawberry 🍓 go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date.
What’s the difference between a loser and a paper?
A girl actually dates the paper.
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Why did tube date electricity? Because he would light up when she touched him.
Why can’t orphans date?
Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Person 1: I heard oxygen and magnesium went on a date.
Person 2: OMg!
10/7 is probably a spinoff of 9/11.
You can't convince me otherwise.
Why is the number 10 always scared?
Answer: He’s in the middle of 9/11.
Stephen Hawking went on a date last night.
She left after 15 minutes, complaining she didn't like his tone.
What month has 28 days?
All of them.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
9/10/01
Bush: “Ok, I got this. Just act surprised and pretend to be sad and declare war on Afghanistan.”
Why don't emo girls date emo boys? Cause they've already got a pussy.
Your hairline dates so far back like when your dad left.
If 6 is afraid because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared?
Because it's in between 9/11.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why was 10 scared? Because he is right in the middle of 9/11!
If 6 is afraid of 7 because 7, 8, 9, why is 10 scared? Because he is in the middle of 9/11.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.
Do you know why 10 was scared? Because he was between 9/11.
If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7-8-9, then why was 10 afraid?
'Cause it was right in the middle of 9/11.