Darkness jokes

An emo kid walked to me holding a rope, and asked: "Do you want to join my family tree?"

What does a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus have in common? They're both thinking; "Oh sh*t, my mom's gonna kill me!"

Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.

Kid: "What's dark humor?"

Mom: "You see that man over there without arms? Tell him to clap."

Kid: "I am blind, Mom."

Mom: "Exactly."

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.

To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.

You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

What tree is every emo kid trying to find?

The hanging tree.

What do dark humor and a person with scoliosis have in common?

Both are sick and twisted.

I never do dark jokes, but when I feel like it, I prefer orphan jokes, 'cause they're the safest option. I mean, what are they gonna do, call their parents?

One day Timmy walks in on his mum in the bath. Then he asks, “What’s that dark fuzzy thing, mummy?” and mum said, “It’s a bush, every girl has one!” Then the next day he walks in on his dad in the shower. So he asks, “Daddy, what’s that long thing?” The dad then says, “It’s a sexy boy” accidentally. Timmy asks his dad, “What does sexy mean?” And the dad says, “Your mother, of course,” making it seem like a child-friendly compliment. Then the next day at school Timmy wanted to compliment his teacher. He walks up to her and says, “You’re so so sexy!”

How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

More than 10, since my basement's still dark.

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

What do an angler fish and a pedophile have in common?

They both like to hide in dark places, look creepy, and like to lure small creatures.

what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

What's a rapist's fav position?

Missionary in a dark corner.

What do emo kids and bats have in common?

They both hang from trees.

How to escape your black school teacher in detention?

(Easy)

Turn off the lights!

I took my 5 year old son to ride some roller coasters. I think he didn’t like it because I challenged him to a no hands contest.

He said, "But I don’t have any." He wanted to know what dark humor is. Now he knows what it is and what it feels like.

Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?

Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.