911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head

I love my dog

Hi I did not text back to text her and dad now I’m texting her now I’m

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? cuz there dad never came back with the milk

kid: aye mum imma do somthing dad could never do mum: and that is? kid walks out kid comes back in with milk mum:imma beat ya ass

Hi how are you busy doing right I just text me and my dad was going home and walk home and I got home

Dad:im dying Son:hi dying, im [name] Dad:really, now is not the time Son:im sorry Dad:hi sorry im dad (dies)

what does a bullet and milk have in common? they both take out your dad

A man was asked by his 21 years old daughter, " Dad how do you give a blowjob to a man that has a big “dick”? her father replied " honey, you should have watch me last night - it was inside my mouth, does it cycle now?"

As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.”

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”

me my brother and my dad

dad: what do ou call a crazy creeper

mom: shit idontknow… kid: crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr dad: tahtsmy bnoys!!!

So 2 kids argued and insulted each other…

KID 1: Your dad left because he didn’t want you so why don’t you kill yourself?

KID 2: Well your dad already killed himself because he didn’t want you.

A kid gets home from school and find his mom and dad having sex, the kid asks “what are you doing dad” the dad replies “having sex with your mom son” and he starts laughing The next day dad gets home from work and finds his son having sex with his nan, the dad shouts “what the hell are you doing son” the kid replies " it’s not funny when it’s your mom is it"

One day me and my girlfriend were just hanging out and she needed to tell our dad that we were going out.

Hi how are you busy doing right I just text me and my dad was just text

My sister says DAD and repeats and this is my dad WOULD U STOP me 😑

my dad died in 9/11. he was such a good pilot

So one time I was looking up the definition of accident because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me, and points at the word and says, “That’s you!”(meaning that I was an accident) A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you. But we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

A little girl walks into the bathroom see her mom naked taking a shower and asks mommy mommy when am I gunna get breasts …mom say oh when your 12 or 13 …little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks mommy mommy when am I gunna get hair down there …mom say oh about the same time you get breasts…then the little girl walks in see her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks daddy daddy when am I gunna get one of those …dad says soon as your mom leaves for work