Dad

Dad jokes

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Dad: What did you learn in school today?

Timmy: Not enough, I guess, 'cause I gotta go back tomorrow.

So a kid was hanging out with his mom and this man comes up to him and said, "Hi, I'm your new dad." The kid did not think about it, and then he did and said, "But I already have a dad." The mom said, "That was not your real dad."

"When your mom is pregnant and your best friend learns dad jokes."

Me:.....

A dad told his son never to hit girls, so the son replied, "I promise."

When the son got older, he was doing the dirty with "a girl," and the girl says, "Spank me, daddy..." and the son responds, "My dad said never to hit a girl."

Then the "girl" takes off the wig, and it's his dad, and the dad said, "Good job, son!"

Son:...... um

What did the mom tell her son when he asked for a bowl of cereal? "Sorry your dad wasn't came back with the milk yet."

What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.

Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.

Anyways,

Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?

More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!

But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.

How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.

How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.

Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".

What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".

If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.

Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!

Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.

What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low

Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.

  • 3

    • I hate the 9/11 jokes; my dad and grandpa were killed.

    My dad was one hell of a pilot.

    Grandpa was a hell of a planner.

    Why did my dad leave me and my mum?

    I told him it wasn't big enough and then ran off saying, "Daddy, yeeeees!"

    Dad: Want to go to the park, kid?

    Kid: Sure.

    Dad: Come on.

    Kid: Why are we at the orphanage?

    Dad: Go in.

    Friends, who's your barber? They mess up big time.

    Me.

    You're just jealous because my dad cuts my hair for free, and you have to be paying 30 dollars just for that short-ass cut.

    Why does the orphan drink hot coco with water?

    Because his dad never came back with the milk.