Dad jokes
Does it make me gay if I kiss your dad and he decides to drill my ass?
"How do celebrities stay cool?"
"They have many fans!"
I fed a vegan cock. No, not chicken, no, not my cock, my dead dad's.
How do I make my dick disappear?
I put it in your dad.
Why do orphans become bullies?
Because their mum and dad were never there for them.
Little Johnny was in class, and his teacher asked, "How many of you guys are Trump fans?" Since the entire class wanted to be liked by the teacher, they all raised their hands, well, except Little Johnny. So the teacher asks, "Why are you being different again, Johnny?" So Little Johnny says, "Well, because I'm a Democrat. My mom is a Democrat, and my dad is a Democrat, so I'm a Democrat!" So then the teacher responds with, "Well, what if your mom was a moron, and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?" Well, Little Johnny says, "A Trump fan!"
How did my dad know I was gay?
He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot.
20 years later
Johnny: Hey dad.
Dad: Yea?
Johnny: Fuck you, I ain't comin' back to your grave in 16 years, then ima come back, BITCH!
Dad: Doing the same thing I did to you and your mother, ay? I deserve it :( ;O not real...NOT A FUCKING ALL.
Johnny: Yea you kinda fucking do.
Dad:...
Little Johnny: Hey, Dad, are you finally back with the milk?
Dad: Yea, but it's expired, so I'm going back to the "milk store" and get more (and not come back for a couple more years). :)
A girl asked her mom, "Why is my name Walmart?"
Her dad replied and said, "Because that’s where you were made."
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
My dad had a very unfortunate accident with his death. I clearly asked for Jammy Dodgers and got Bourbons!
You're adopted, that's why your mom or dad never came back with the milk!
Why can’t orphans play catch?
They never had a dad to teach them.
Why do orphans only drink water in cereal?
'Cause Dad never brought home the milk...
Why did little Timmy dip the cookie in water?
"Because his dad never brought the milk."
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
Why do orphans have gross cakes?
Because their dad didn't come home with the milk.
Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"