Dad

Dad jokes

Your dad left you because he went for milk.

*1,000,000 years later*

Her: Dad come back!

Him: FBI open up!

What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?

Her dad always comes back.

Little Johnny was told by his friend that if you go to your parents and say: "I know the truth," they give you money.

So Little Johnny says to his mum, "I know the truth," so his mum hands him 20 dollars and tells him not to tell anyone. So when Little Johnny’s dad gets home, Little Johnny says, "I know the truth." His dad hands him $50 and says not to tell anyone. So Little Johnny tries it on the postman and says, "I know the truth," and the postman says, "Come here, son."

Why can’t the orphan tell on people?

Because they got no mom and dad! LOLLL

Kid 1: Guys, stop making 9/11 jokes. My dad died in 9/11.

Kid 2: Sorry, I didn't know.

Kid 1: He was the best fighter pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

My dad went to go get milk. He came back 7 years later, and we had to send him back because he got the wrong milk.

Why doesn't a Muslim girl like her dad and namaz?

Because she has to get on her knees.