Cut jokes

What does my arm have in common with paper?

They both can be cut.

My only friend who actually cares: "Stop making suicide jokes, I’m really concerned!"

Me: Okay, I’ll cut it out.

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!

What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it!

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

I just planted emo grass.

Ignore it and it cuts itself.

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.

I started crying when my dad cut up onions.

Onions was such a good hamster.

Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.