Cut jokes

If you don’t like mowing your lawn, just get emo grass! It cuts itself!

how do you cut of a hillbilly's dick?

kick his sister in the jaw

What's flat chested and emo? A cutting board.

Why was the depressed man happy in food-tech?

He got to cut himself.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it!

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

Why can't emos work at a restaurant? Because they cut too much.

This emo kid wanted to join a group of emos, but he didn't make the cut.

I just planted emo grass.

Ignore it and it cuts itself.

Was invited to the inauguration of an I-pad.

We were all ready to begin the event. I was supposed to cut the ribbons, but before I could do that, Penaldo jumped outta nowhere and shouted, "I DON'T WANT I-PAD, I ONLY WANT TO STATPAD!"

Shame on Penaldo for ruining the event! 😡

Mom: You will make me kill myself.

Me who has cut first: I'll kill myself ✨first✨!

What does my arm have in common with paper?

They both can be cut.

Miscarriage jokes aren't funny, just cut it out.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

I had a cake for my gender reveal party. I cut it, and the inside was yellow...

Why doesn't Helen Keller's kid have ears? She gave it its first haircut!

People say, "I like your cut G." Which is when you get a fresh cut. But I guess when you go bald, we can say, "Like your forehead, G."

I know it's really, really, really, really bad.

What did Steven Hawking say when the WiFi cut out?.........Nothing.

I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, "Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, daddy came in with the lady next door and they started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off daddy's clothes and daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of daddy and started...". The mother cuts him off and says "Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me." Couple hours later the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face shouting "I'm leaving you... Go ahead Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier." Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. "Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs and my ball got away and into your closet, and when I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door and you both started hugging and kissing and the lady next door took off your clothes and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed, and the lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing mom did with uncle Joe last summer."