Crush

Crush Jokes

Job

I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.

Nun

What’s black and white and red all over?

A crushed nun!

What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?

Slow natives.

Donald Trump

Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?

He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Money

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Vagina

If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.

Letter

If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)

Year

My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.

School

School Rizz:

You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.

Teacher

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

Insult

Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?

You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-

(Destroys phone cutely)

Preschool

In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.

Phone Number

Me: Truth or dare?

Crush: Dare.

Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.

Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.

Me: Ok, what is your phone number?

Mum

Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.

Dream

Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!

Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!

Advice

Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!

Stairs

You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!

Dad

Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.

Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!

Sex

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"