I hate my job—all I do is crush cans all day. It’s soda pressing.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
What’s black and white and red all over?
A crushed nun!
What’s that black stuff between an elephants toes?
Slow natives.
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.
If you text your crush and they leave you on read, just know that "read" has four letters. You know what also has four letters? "Mine." So that basically means that you are theirs. :)
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunatley, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
Hey Siri, what’s in my bank account?
You stupid shit, piece of elephant crap, you’re so ugly that when you were born, your nickname was bastard! You’re so ugly, that your crush fainted in front of you and was proclaimed dead! You’re so ugly that-
(Destroys phone cutely)
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
Guys, help! I need advice to confess to my crush. I'm being for real right now, guys, help!
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
Once when I was 6, I had a massive crush on a girl in my grade. She liked me too, and we kissed under a tree.
Next day, same spot, but now she's pregnant. That stupid dad stole my girl!
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
What's a building's first crush? A plane.
