Crush jokes
Me: Truth or dare?
Crush: Dare.
Me: I dare you to give me your phone number.
Crush: Umm nevermind, truth.
Me: Ok, what is your phone number?
Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"
Brayden: "Hey!"
*Music roles around*
*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*
Brayden: "O_O"
Hailey: *Hides*
So sad </3 xD
What's a building's first crush? A plane.
You know stairs, right? The dark... My there is something. I know that if you fall down the stairs, your balls will be crushed!
High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?
Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.
High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.
Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.
High school crush: Who is it?
Me: You.
Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)
Me: Fuck that.
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
I have a secret crush on your momma.
I have a crush on my sister!
Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)
I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.
(Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)
(Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])
What letter is really hot? T
C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK
ME SExUAL SRrY LoL
You know I really love going to school and meeting my crush.
All I have to do is go to the Africa section.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
Yo mama is so fat that she crushed her PlayStation profile.
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
Man 1: Knock knock.
Man 2: Who's there?
Man 1: Ice.
Man 2: Ice who?
Man 1: I crushed your head.
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
What is your true crush?
A soda crush.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"