Crush jokes
Why does Donald Trump have a fervent crush on the Russian president?
He is Putin his dick where it don't belong!
When a kid says, "I'm a pedophile," it means that he has a crush on one of his classmates.
When an adult says it, he is accused as a rapper.
Guy: Are you tired?
His “Crush”: No.
Guy: Are you sure, because you’ve been running through my mind all day?
His “Crush”: That’s sweet.
Guy: I’m joking, you don’t look like you do any running.
In preschool, I confessed my love to my crush, and she rejected me. As heartbroken as I was, I sucked it up and went back to teaching.
Your mama is so fat that she doesn't get crushed by cars, she crushes cars and babies in strollers on the sidewalk when she falls and doesn't see any remains, so there is no evidence.
That one friend who decides her life is a lie after her crush don´t like her back.
A big hefty porker left his balls exposed and said,
"Misses!! Come here and step upon mine balls, please!!! I pay top dollar for this extreme delight!"
She pippity popped his balls like there was no tomorrow.
And he said "yuh yuh ay ay crush these nuts nuts!"
Girls' dreams: OMG, my crush kissed me!
Boys' dreams: I just got a dub, bro!
I have a secret crush on your momma.
My crush's best friend came up to me and called me my crush's dog 🐕, so then I say, "Wow, you're an ass for calling me a bitch." He then looks at me wide-eyed, and I just walk away.
I’m enyaw and I fancy my PE teacher. She is called Kelly Pearce and I go to Beckfoot Oakbank. I always watch her because I am a creep. I live at school under the stairs, but I also try [to] follow her home, and if I'm unsuccessful I look her up on a dodgy website and go on Google maps and look at her door.
Hailey: "Hey Brayden!"
Brayden: "Hey!"
*Music roles around*
*I tell Brayden Hailey likes him*
Brayden: "O_O"
Hailey: *Hides*
So sad </3 xD
What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?
She can't say no!
If you got a crush and you are a 👧🏻 girl, let him lick 👅 your vagina.
My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭
Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!
My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄
Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.
What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?
They both came from behind and crushed them.
Someone was crushing a bag of chips. I said, "Are you making edibles?"
Your mum is so fat, when she reached for the remote, when she found it, it was crushed.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
School Rizz:
You are my exam. I am always thinking about you but never making a move.
How do you take care of all the babies you just crushed with your car?
Open a pizza shop 🍕