Cross jokes
Why would the chicken not cross the road?
Because it's too old. (The joke is old.) (The chicken is old.)
Q: If cats have cat babies, dogs have dog babies, and tigers have tiger babies, what do fish have?
A: Eggs.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
Because he was trying to catch a boomerang.
What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple!
In other news, we are hearing of a nasty helicopter crash on the M4. Let's cross live to our eye-in-the-sky, Mark. Mark?
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he was part of the Lazy Bones team!
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
Your mama so fat, she caused a traffic jam just by crossing the street.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Cuz he got hit by a bus while crossing the street.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
Why did the chicken cross the towers?
Because he ordered a plane pizza and didn’t get to the other side.
I was going from Germany to Austria, and I accidentally crossed the border illegally. When the police caught me, they told me I was a Nazi. I asked them, "Why?" They said I didn't see the border.
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross.
On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter!"
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter!"
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus and says, "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important?"
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here!"
You don't need brains to be a Boss.
When the body was first created, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control all of the body's responses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss since we carry the brain about and get him to where he wants to go."
The hands said, "We should be the Boss because we do all the work and earn all the money."
Finally, the asshole spoke up. All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So, the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work.
Within a short time, the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic, and the brain fevered. Eventually, they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed. All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat and passed out the shit!
Moral Of The Story: You don't need a brain to be a Boss----any asshole will do.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.