New Crime Jokes - Page 23 - Worst Jokes Ever

If you see a woman get raped, don't bother helping. They're independent women, after all. Heck, cheer on the rapist, or join in the fun.

A man is consoling his nine-year-old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted.

"You need to be more careful," he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

How did Michael Jackson get away with it?

He's a smooth criminal.

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

A limbless criminal has just been identified. Police say the suspect is armed and on the run.

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

Came across the headline this morning whilst reading the paper...

"Woman beats off Rapist in carpark!"

I suppose that was a fair compromise!

Jeffrey Dahmer was craving 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

On the plus side, Nicola Bulley no longer has a problem with alcohol.

What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?

Shoot kids in them ;)

What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?

Have a blood transfusion.

Shout out to the terrorists, your year is starting off with a bang!

Why can't an orphan get 5 stars in GTA? Because they are not wanted.

Why can't an orphan be a criminal? Because they are not wanted.

I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.

Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.