Crime jokes
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
My brother tried to hit this guy with a plane and but hit the Twin Towers.
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Three old women are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat comes and flashes them.
The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman couldn't quite reach.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!”
A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?
One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.
What do 9/10 people enjoy?
Gang rape.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
Imagine playing Subway Surfers in real life.
The creator's son tried that!
(My friends said to post this. I accept no responsibility.)
Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?
Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.
Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.