Crap Jokes

a 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. her: " crap! my mom is going to kill me!"

the fetus : "lol same here"

DEJA - POO

The sense or feeling you have dealt with this crap in the past.

A guy dies and finds himself in Hell. Despondent, he sits on the ground and weeps uncontrollably. Demon: "Why so sad, my friend?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Demon: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinkin' man?"

Guy: "Sure, I love to drink."

Demon: "Well, you're gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that's all we do, is drink. Whiskey, tequila, vodka, beer... We drink till we throw up and then drink some more."

Guy: "Gee, that sounds great!"

Demon: "You a smoker?"

Guy: "You better believe it."

Demon: "Alright! You're gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from around the world and smoke our fucking lungs out. If you get cancer, it's ok, you're already dead!"

Guy: "Golly"

Demon: "I bet you like to gamble."

Guy: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I do."

Demon: "Good, because Wednesday is gambling day. Craps, blackjack, horse races, you name it."

Guy: "Wow."

Demon: "You like to do drugs?"

Guy: "Well, I love to do drugs. You don't mean..."

Demon: "That's right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack. Smoke a joint the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want, and if you overdose, it's ok... You're already dead!"

Guy: "Neat! I never realized hell was such a swingin' place!"

Demon: "You gay?"

Guy: "Uh, no."

Demon: "Ohhh... You're gonna hate Fridays...."

someone cutting the cheese then farted. someone sees the cheese and it smelled like crap(literally) he said, "who cut the cheese?

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What’s worse than spiders On your piano Craps on your organ

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

There was once these two twins. One twin, no matter what happened, was always pissed off while the other one was always happy. This baffled scientists, so they ran an experiment on the twins to figure out what was happening. They took the angry one and left him in a room with all of the latest technology and the most expensive toys and left him overnight. When they came back, he was still grumpy. When they asked him why, he said, "None of these are actually mine and you left me in here all night so I'm angry!" His explanation was reasonable, so they ran another experiment on the other kid. This time, they left him overnight in a room that was litterally just filled with horse shit. When they came back to check on him the next morning, he was still smiling. When they asked him why, he said, "With all of this horse crap their has to be a pony in here somewhere!"

How is toilet paper recycled?

Easier than you would think, but first they have to process the crap out of it.

How do you stop constipation?

You scare the crap outta them.

(Crap is another word for poop)

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

Boy:crap I hit a deer Girl:awe...I guess It’s not so much of a dear Boy:...

Boy:get the hell out

Time for a random Terraria joke Q: Why did the guide die at his house? A: The player dropped his doll in the lava. (WALL OF FLESH HAS AWOKEN) :| Oh crap