Cops Jokes

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

How do you start a school shooting at a black school? Call the cops

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff

I wasn't cut out for running today but those cops came out of no where

I wasn't planning on going on a run. but those cops showed up out of nowhere

The Women saw a Cute lookin cop she Had pulled up right Next to him and said “Hey can i get your number” He said yea it’s “911”. And drove of

Woman: I want coffee, black Cop: *takes out gun* WHERE?!

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger? "I guess orange is the new black"

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat he is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with "what do you mean I already did it" then the police ran back to the school to aprehend the other people he was planing it with the cops busted in through the doors which caused a smoke trap to go off which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles 4 per pole. Back to the station holding the kid being apprehended. the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said "Aww it pays to be lazy!"

Friend: How dark IS your humor Me: It started an orginization against cops

i saw a cuban prisoner i asked why are you running from the cops he said IM FREE AT LAST.

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over? Pigs in a blanket.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

Things you never want to do in jail - never piss off an inmate - don’t start fights with the cops - don’t drop the soap - don’t run away from the cops