Cops jokes

If a white cop had a black dick, would he beat it to death?

Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?

She doesn't eat pigs.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?

"I guess orange is the new black."

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."