Cops jokes

Why can't a Muslim woman give head to an American cop?

She doesn't eat pigs.

One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles. Once the cops arrived and asked what had happened, the snail said, "I don't know, it all happened too fast!"

All of these jokes are so dark, I'm surprised cops haven't shot them.

Friend: How dark is your humor?

Me: It gets beat by the cops on a daily basis.

A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!"

The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"

A cop pulled me over and shouted, "Papers!" I shouted, "Scissors!" and drove off.

What's the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop?

Pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly.

Woman: "I want coffee, black."

Cop: *takes out gun* "WHERE?!"

I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.

I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.

So, a guy is evading the draft. The cops bang on his door, and he runs out the back, through an alleyway onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse. She complies, and the cops walk by and don't see them. The man comes back up from under the nun's blouse and says, "Hey man, you've got a pair of balls!" The nun says, "I didn't wanna be drafted either..."

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

What did the cop say after he shot the ginger?

"I guess orange is the new black."

Cops go to the hood when the shooting range is closed.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"

COP: Are you high?

ME: If I was high, could I do this? *walks in a perfectly straight line*

COP: Wth he just walked off a cliff.

What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?

“Wait, you’re getting paid?”

Friend: How dark IS your humor?

Me: It started an organization against cops.

What do you call a group of cops having a sleep over?

Pigs in a blanket.