Cops jokes

Me, calls the police*

Me: Hey, I'm gonna commit suicide!

Cop on the phone: Please wait till we get there.

Me: Why, so you can then stop me?

Cop on the phone: No, we just want a murder, not a suicidal report on your paper... and we are all bored!

Me: Ok, my house number is *********************, ok!

Cop on the phone: Awesome! Just a sec. *whispers* Guys, I finally found someone who wants to get killed!

So, there was this cop on the top bunk of a bunk bed.

Another cop walks in and sits on the bottom bunk and the cop on the top bunk bed said, "You're under a-rest."

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They'll just arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being dark.

I find it best to screw people with memory loss. I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

I posted up on my story that I got a new cut. My friends and family called the cops...

I used to be emo.

What does a cop say when they shoot ginger?

"Orange is the new black."

I recently got pulled over by the cops and started spazzing out because of the police lights.

He arrested me for impersonating George Floyd.

*I have seizures*

How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...

*trigger alert*

Why did the racist cop shut down the space brothel?

Because there were too many black holes.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

Yo mama so fat, the cops arrested her because she had 240 pounds of crack on her.

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?

So they will be wanted.

A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.

She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”

The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”

The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.