Cops jokes

What did the cops say when someone called him racist?

"How can I be racist? My wife's eye is black."

What do you call a cab for black men?

A cop car.

Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?

So they will be wanted.

Woman gets pulled over by a cop.

Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"

Lady: "No, officer."

Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"

Lady: "Just water, officer."

Cop: "Looks like wine to me."

Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"

Cops have the hardest job: they have to tell women they have the right to remain silent and know damn well she will not have the ability.

How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?

None, they all beat the room for being black.

What did the cops do when 600 hares escaped the zoo?

The cops had to comb the area.

One day, I saw a kid beating up a fat kid. But a cop came out of nowhere and threw the bully off him. The cop then asked the bully, "Why are you beating him up?" I responded, saying, "I'm fighting obesity; no children should suffer from diabetes and heart disease." Then, the cop pulled out a gun and fired, afterwards saying, "Well, how did I do?"

What do hockey players and cops have in common?

They both use sticks to hit something black.

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?

RoboCop.

Why did the cop ask the orphan if he was home alone?

The orphan said because my parents have never come back yet because I have none.

Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...

Well nvm, they shot him dead.

What is it called when a cop hides under his bed? Going undercover.

A cop pulls me over and asks if I have been drinking.

I'm an honest person and say yes, I did, so I take off my sunglasses and tell him that I now had 2 glasses less.

One time, Little Johnny heard his parents "wrestling" in their bed. So the next morning, he went to rape all the little girls in school. This then led to his demise.

No girls told on him, but when he grew up, he was a raper. He never stopped. In total, "little" Johnny had over 31 sons that he didn't know about. When he was sentenced to jail, he raped all the inmates despite his small figure. He was then sent to the death sentence, "eagle wing" torture style.

His parents were happy he died, and the morbid rapist was put down, never to return again. However, all the sons had his genes, including his MINDSET. They then became a cult and shot down 2014 cops, 471 military members and 72951 males and females. The kids, you ask? Only the males were spared, and taught how to operate the guns. All but 419 females were killed. They soon became the world's strongest empire. No one could stop Little Johnny's sons. NO ONE.

So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”

A married woman gets hit by a truck, and the cops tell her husband:

Cop: "Sir, it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."

Man: "I know, but she has a great personality."

My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.