So a lady was walking down the street with two bags, and one of the bags was leaking $100 bills. A cop pulls up and he says, “Ma’am, ma’am, your bag is leaking hundred dollar bills.” Then she says, “Oh, thank you. I wonder how long that’s been going on.” And the cop says, “Before I help you, may I ask why your bag is leaking $100 bills?” And the lady says, “OK, I’ll tell you. So I live next to a stadium, and I have this beautiful rose garden, but these dumb teenagers always try and pee on the rosebushes. So they stick their junk through the fence, and I grab their junk. I said, ‘$100 dollars or it’s coming off.’” The cop says, “Oh, OK, well what’s the other bag for?” And she says, “Well, not all of them want to give me $100.”
Cops Jokes
I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
I was gonna stop for the cops, but I ran because I was high (the song don't copyright me plz).
What does the handicapped man say to the cops when he’s mistaken for a criminal: "Don't shoot, I'm unarmed!"
Why did the cops come over?
Because parents had kids in their basement.
What's another nickname for a flat emo?
A copping boars.
I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.
These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
Cops be like dead from COVID hahaha. Should have listened to the law, you dumb dead pigs!
More cops died from COVID than anything else last year, hahahaha.
They should have shot COVID instead of Tyrone on the microphone, lmfao.
Why do orphans like to be robbers in cops and robbers?
So they will be wanted.
How many cops does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they all beat the room for being black.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere!
Woman gets pulled over by a cop.
Cop: "Ma'am, have you been drinking?"
Lady: "No, officer."
Cop: "What's that in your cup then, ma'am?"
Lady: "Just water, officer."
Cop: "Looks like wine to me."
Lady: "Oh my god, Jesus did it again!"
I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"
He called the cops.
I saw a Cuban prisoner. I asked, "Why are you running from the cops?" He said, "I'M FREE AT LAST!"
What is red, white, and blue all over?
A dead cop.
I wasn't cut out for running today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
