What did the North tower say to the south tower? "Sorry, can't talk, got to catch a plane."
Conversation Jokes
Two wind turbines are standing in a field.
One asks, "What's your favorite type of music?"
The other says, "Well... I'm a huge metal fan..."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Abajo.
Abajo who?
I have abajo of water with me.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A murderer.
A murderer who--
Is cut off by being murdered.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. "Jesus is watching you." The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing.
A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. "Jesus is watching you." Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, "Jesus is watching you." The robber realized it was the parrot talking!
Going to the parrot, he asks it, "Are you the one who's been talking to me?" The parrot responds, "Yes." The thief couldn't believe it. So, he asks another question. "What is your name?" "Ismael." the parrot replies. The man scoffed. "What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?" The parrot speaks yet again, "The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus."
Have you ever said no? Did they keep going?
My friend asked me:
Friend: "How much is your body worth?"
Me: "1 million."
Friend: "1 million dollars?!"
Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."
Friend: "Oh."
billie: hi.
me: You wanna hear a story?
billie: Yes, sure.
me: Once upon a time, I ran over your dog last night.
We were at a restaurant today, and my dad was talking about a place called Sea Ranch.
I asked, "What do they raise there? Sea horses?"
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
Hey updog!
What's updog?
(Laughter)
Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"
They replied, "I don’t know."
I said, "Fsh."
A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"
A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.
She told her, "Hey, long time no see."
"Are you taco to me? I nacho friend."
Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"
My friend had a drink called Quick Start, so I said, "That's a quick start to the morning!"
What did the basketball say to the Frisbee... "No balls."
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"
And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"
