Conversation jokes
Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?
Crush: Candice.
Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?
Crush: *slaps me, walks away*
Police: Where do you live?
Me: With my parents.
Police: Where do your parents live?
Me: With me.
Police: Where do you all live?
Me: Together.
Police: Where is your house?
Me: Next to my neighbor.
Police: Where is your neighbor’s house?
Me: If I tell you, you won't believe me.
Police: Tell me.
Me: Next to my house.
What did the mute man tell the blind man?
Nothing.
Me: Hey Jim!
Jim: I'm now a cannibal.
Me: WAIT, JIM! N-
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Water.
Water who?
Water you waiting for, just let me in!
Patient: "I'm starting to forget things."
Doctor: "Since when have you had this condition?"
Patient: "What condition?"
Knock knock. Who’s there? Mimi. Mimi who? Mimi’s got cancer.
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
A doctor is at a bar one night and notices a young lady at the counter. He approaches her and says, "Hello there miss, pardon my intrusion, but I was curious to know, if someone were to pay you a million dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady smiles and says, "That's a lot of money, of course, I would."
The doctor smiles and says, "That's interesting, but what if someone were to pay you 5 dollars to sleep with them, would you?"
The young lady says, "What, are you joking? That's no money at all. Of course, I wouldn't. What do you think I am?"
The Doctor smiles again and says, "We already established what you are, now we're trying to establish a price."
Why do people always talk about 9/11, but seriously, just let it sit there, like the rubble it is.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife, we were only talking about getting a divorce."
Does anyone else like Tacos? C'mon let's Taco 'bout it!!! :p Hey, Tacos are made of atoms too......
What did Jim say to Jeff?
"I killed your ham."
Jack: Hey Josh!
Josh: What?
Jack: Sex!
Josh: Huh?
Jack: SEX!!
Josh: I don't get it.
Jack: Exactly ;)
What can you tell a dog, but not your girlfriend? Come.
I was talking to my friends and they said a random topic about cats, and I'm like, "Water you talking about?" =3
So a mushroom walks in a bar and the waiter says, "You can't be here."
And the mushroom says, "Why? I'm a fungi!"
I was talking to my old friend. They said, "We should hang out more!"
I said, "You mean we should ketchup?"
A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
There is a man and a woman on a date.
The woman asked what kind of things do you love?
The table starts to lift up on the man's side and the man says sorry.