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Conversation jokes

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"

And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What does a glass of water ask a pond?

"Water you doing?"

What does the pond answer?

"Pondering life."

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?

Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.

Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Dad: πŸ¦†

Kid: ?

Dad: πŸ¦†πŸ¦†

Kid: Huh?

Dad: Ur too late...

Kid: WHAT!

Dad: .... GOOSE!

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, β€œWhat do you do?” And she said, β€œI’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.

Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

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    • Two skeleton brothers are talking.

    1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

    2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

    What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

    Same time next month?

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    • Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

    Museum girl: Committing suicide.

    Allan: What about Friday night?

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