New Conversation Jokes - Page 29

A guy and a woman are walking into a forest. The woman says she is lonely. The guy then says, "Don't worry, there will be a third person in a little while."

What does a glass of water ask a pond?

"Water you doing?"

What does the pond answer?

"Pondering life."

What did the drunk woman say to the man after leaving the bar?

"Alcohol, you later!"

Freshman: Hey, what's better, Ford or Chevy?

Senior: I don't f**kin' care as long as it drives.

Freshman: So, I'm guessing it's Chevy?

My friend texted me and asked me, "Hey. What's your favorite emoji?"

I said, "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬"

She said, "Why?"

I said, "'Cause it's your twin."

Dad: 🦆

Kid: ?

Dad: 🦆🦆

Kid: Huh?

Dad: Ur too late...

Kid: WHAT!

Dad: .... GOOSE!

BOB: Wanna know a joke?

LILLY: What? Your hat?

BOB: No, my life :'(

The past, the present, and the future were having an argument. It was tense.

I was talking to this absolutely gorgeous woman, and I asked her, “What do you do?” And she said, “I’m a brain surgeon.” And I don’t know if this makes me sexist or not, but I was really impressed.

Most women can’t pull off sarcasm.

What do you say to an upset Down syndrome person? "What's bringing you down?"

James: I have a joke. Sex!

Ronny: I don't get it.

James: Exactly.

What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

Two skeleton brothers are talking.

1st bro: "Hey, get up! You and do some exercise! You are so heavy, you weigh a ton!"

2nd bro: "A skele-TON :)"

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What did the man say to the woman? "Make me a sandwich."

Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?

Museum girl: Committing suicide.

Allan: What about Friday night?

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."