Conflict jokes

I called a suicide hotline in Iraq... They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck.

Where was Emily during the bombing?

Everywhere.

Q. How does an ISIS terrorist practice safe sex?

A. He marks the camels that kick.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

I have gathered intelligence regarding the Russian Forces that have been stalled in Ukraine for days. Apparently, they are installing rear view mirrors on their combat vehicles and tanks in order to see the battle at the front lines.

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.

How does an American know that his time has come?

He starts hearing Vietnamese.

What do children with cancer and Russian soldiers have in common? Their life doesn't last long.

A TikTok I saw: "I'm in Canada, I'm in the United States!"

Most people: "I'm in South Korea, I'm in Nor- *boom*"

Me: "I'm in Palestine, I'm in Is... this heaven?"

*Insert me starting a war in the comments*

Iran? More like tin can, cause we’re going to kick their teeth in, am I right?

Roses are red, violets are blue, Ukraine will go puff.

I joined ISIS to help my self-esteem issues.

Everyone kept telling me, "You’re the bomb!"

We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!

Women understand each other.

That’s why they argue.

Why can't weapons play baseball?

Because they need to get to home base.

Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?

Because they were just roman around.

What do you call two guys fighting over a slut?

Tug of whore.

What makes a nuke and divorce the same?

It only takes one of each to end your life.

Russia and Ukraine are running a marathon. Who do you think won? Russia did. Russia gave Ukraine a migraine.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.