Conflict jokes

I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."

"You da bomb!" "No, you da bomb!"

In the US, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What do you call an Iraqi swimming in the water?

A bath bomb.

What makes a nuke and divorce the same?

It only takes one of each to end your life.

In America, you fight Ukraine.

In Soviet Russia, you fight Mykraine.

I believe a lot of conflict in the Wild West could have been avoided completely if cowboy architects had just made their towns big enough for everyone...

Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!

If two vegans are arguing, is it still considered beef?

Do you know what's the difference between a knife and a girl's argument?

A knife has a point.

What do you call an Irish man that breaks up fights?

Liam Malone.

What's the difference between a Syrian kindergarten and an ISIS hospital?

I wouldn't know, I'm just the drone operator.

Ukrainians leave without saying goodbye.

Russians say goodbye without leaving.

Zelensky: I'm begging for Russian forces to withdraw from the whole of Ukraine.

Putin: Crimea river.

Why can't a homeless person be in "The Boys?"

Because he would have beef with Homelander.

Who are the best at bowling?

Terrorists, they always throw strikes.

We destroyed two boats, and they dropped the sun on us twice!

Honestly, Ukraine is just built to annoy Russia.

What did the Taliban say to the Afghan?

Nothing, they blew him up.

"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."

Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.