Comparison jokes
Your hairline is so bad, when people see the back of your head they say "nice beard!"
Your forehead's so big that I was tryna figure out if that was you or the moon.
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
You think my face is ugly? Yours is more.
I am like Cookie Monster on steroids when it comes to cookies.
Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo.
Do not worry, I will be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you.
Your mama's so fat that she's bigger than the Titanic.
What is the difference between a guy with cancer and the Twin Towers?
Nothing, they both fell.
Me: Looks like a girl, sure as h3ll I don't sound like one.
Michael Jackson: Looks like a boy, sure as h3ll don't sound like one.
That [is] what we have i[n] commen, but if you mix up my gender I won't give a F about it. Michael Jackson not so much : )
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
"Do you know the difference between wallpaper and toilet paper?" Replies, "No." "Gross!"
Your hairline design was used as the Batman logo!
Your hairline is so fat that when you meet Santa, you're fatter than him and your mom.
Your hairline is so bald, Mr. Clean even said it's bald!
Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.
Are you my fish? Because you're supposed to be dead.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up, and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest tits.
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
What does my head and hell have in common?
They both have demons in them.