Comparison jokes
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
What's the difference between a hamster and a cigarette?
They're both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
What's the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? -- One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
What's the difference between onions and babies?
I cry when I cut onions.
No matter how kind you are, German children are kinder.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
I wasn't staring at you; I was trying to figure out if that's your forehead or the moon.
What do peanut butter and a prostitute's legs have in common?
They’re both easy to spread.
You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.
The wife said, "Honey! Do you like my new teeth?"
The husband replied, "They remind me of stars, darling!"
"Yellow and far apart."
Yo mama so ugly, she went to the bathroom and scared the sh*t out of the toilet.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One's made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with, the other one carries your shopping.
What's the difference between an asshole and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
what's the difference between my hand and my blade? my hand isn't sharp.
Husband: "I bet you can't say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time."
Wife: "You have the biggest penis out of all your friends."
What's the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is 10 babies in a trash can. Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and went up to her mom and asked, "Mom, I have hair on my privates, what is it?"
"Oh honey, that's your monkey," the mom says.
So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says, "My monkey has hair on it!" So the sister replies with a laugh, "You think that's cool? My monkey is already eating bananas!"
What is red and looks like a zebra?
My arm. Hehhehehehe UwU