Common jokes
What do gum and guns have in common?
When you pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend all of a sudden.
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
What do dino nuggies and the brown M&M have in common?
I want to fuck them both.
What do old people and meth heads have in common? They usually trip over their balls.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?
That I will never get old.
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they're gone they never come back.
What do 9/11 and gender have in common?
They used to be two, and now it's a sensitive topic.
Q. What do filicide jokes and filicide victims have in common?
A. They never get old.
What's a native chick say after sex?
"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"
What do Evil Knievel and Michael Jackson have in common? Both have skidmarks on their helmets.
What do city plumbers and pedophiles have in common?
They both lay pipes in public parks.
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
What does a cannibal and a spider have in common?
Both have eight legs.
What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old.
What do 9/11 and Covid-19 both have in common?
Asians caused them both!
What do orphans and police not have in common?
The police can actually go home.
What does an emo kid and pizza have in common?...... The pizza doesn’t cut itself.
What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?
They both empty their sacks around children.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don’t know where home is.
I made a website for orphans, but it doesn't have a home page.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why? Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Why do orphans like boomerangs? Cause they come back.
Why do orphans become criminals? To know what it’s like to be wanted.
Girls are like rocks; the flat ones get skipped.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite TV show? Family Guy.
If you hit an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
If you hit an orphan with a car, at least you don't have to tell their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church? So he had someone to call Father.
What does an orphan call a family photo? A selfie.
Why was the orphan a big success? Cause people say go big or go home, he only had one option.
Why is it ok to hit an orphan? It’s not like they can tell their parents.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite store? Home Depot.
What do orphans and blind kids have in common? They can’t see their parents.
Why can't orphans hear about ancient Egypt? Because they don’t know what a mummy is.
Why are orphans bad at poker? Because they don't know what a full house is.
What do you call a virgin from Alabama? An orphan.