Common jokes
What does Stephen Hawking have in common with Bill Gates? One stands, the other doesn't.
Your hairline and the universe have one thing in common: they’re yet to be discovered.
What do dropouts and Boeing 767s have in common?
They crash and burn.
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
What do lizards and Queen Elizabeth have in common?
They both live long with dry skin.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common?
They both eat plastic. (I'm sorry to the lesbians out there; this is a joke, not real.)
What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?
They can both be replaced.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
What does a pencil and a plan have in common?
They were both in the Twin Towers.
What does the plane that hit the Twin Towers and milk have in common?
My dad went to get both and never came back.
What do a 100-year-old pornstar and The White Stripes have in common? Icky Thump!
What do visiting Goatman's Bridge and a bungee jumping accident have in common?
You hear a snap, and suddenly you're falling from a bridge.
What do orphans and apples not have in common? Apples get picked.
What do phones and orphans have in common?
They selfie! (It's because they don't have parents.)
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
What do cake and baseball have in common?
Both need batters.
What do Philippe Petit and New York citizens have in common?
They both walk(ed) over the Twin Towers.
What do a blonde chick and a turtle both have in common?
When they're on their backs, they're screwed.
What does a kite and a criminal have in common?
They both get high.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”