Comedy jokes
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Who needs April Fools?
When your whole life is a joke?
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
Q: Why didn't the skeleton laugh at the joke?
A: He broke his funny bone!
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.