Comedy jokes
Why did the banana like the movie?
Because it was apeeling.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.
This joke probably flew over people's heads, but for some people it flew into their head.
What’s the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
I am going to scream, this is a cry for help.
Bad handjobs are rare. They’re hard to come by.
Someone telling a joke:
Boy: "My parents are dead."
Girl: "My grandad is too."
Orphan who listened to it: "That joke is dead!"
Person who told the joke: "So is your family!"
What's the difference between Princess Diana and Thomas the Tank Engine?
Thomas came out the other end of the tunnel.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
See, morbid humor is just like water, not everyone gets it.
Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? I would too if all I heard was "daaaaaaah!"
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
I wish I could say that my life is a joke, but I can't because jokes have a meaning.
Who needs April Fools?
When your whole life is a joke?
Q: Why did the first Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the second Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead too.
Q: Why did the third Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was hit by the other two Koalas on the way down.
Q: Why did the fourth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it thought it was a game and joined in.
Q: Why did the fifth Koala fall off the tree? A: Because it was curious to see where the others were going.
Q: Why did the sixth Koala fall off the tree? A: It was tied to the fifth koala.
Q: Why did the seventh Koala fall off the tree? A: Peer group pressure.
I was about to make a baby joke but then decided to abort.
I went to a stand up show with the person who made my life a joke.
The only time rape jokes are okay; is when they aren't forced.
Somebody stole my joke.
So I stole their spinal cord.
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?