Comedy jokes
Knock, knock.
Who is there?
Deez.
Deez who?
Deez nuts!
What's the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
So, a bus crashes, killing everyone on the bus, and God feels so bad that He gives each one a wish.
The first person comes up, and she wants to be beautiful, so God makes her beautiful, and she goes into Heaven. The next person comes up, and he says, "I want to be beautiful as well." As this goes on, the last man in the back begins laughing a little, everyone becoming beautiful, until God asked the last person what they want, and he said, "I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again!" So God had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted.
Hi! It's the kid with another dark joke! On this episode: Orphans!
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, "If I can surprise you, I get a free drink." The bartender was unsure but agreed.
The guy pulled a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket, and he starts to play.
The bartender was surprised and gave the guy a free drink.
The guy then says, "You see, I have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes. Can I get another free drink if you get a free wish?"
The bartender agrees without hesitation.
The bartender wishes for 1000 bucks, but he gets 1000 ducks.
"WTF!" the man shouts.
The guy answered, "Did you think I wanted a 30cm long pianist?"
I love Steven Hawking’s stand-up comedy!
I love Steven Hawking's stand-up comedy!
Yo mama is so fat that I could write 3 paragraphs, and she still wouldn’t fit.
Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.
Your mom so ugly that Paul Walker died.
Your forehead is so big, Megamind thought he was your long lost sibling.
Russia—the real joke.
What is the worst comedy for disabled people?
Stand-up comedy!
A lot of people ask why I only make jokes about Paul Walker and no one else.
Because they didn’t have as big of an impact as him.
A Down syndrome child is drowning, he calls for help with all of his voice: "Somebody help me!! I'm Downing!"
BA DUM TSS
What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.
I was watching a "don't laugh" video, and an erection joke almost made me laugh.
It really gave me a hard time indeed.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Joe.
Joe who?
Jo Mama!
Do you know the phrase, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” Wonderful saying, horrible way to find out that you were adopted.
What's an emo's least favorite show?
Dr. Phil.