Comedy jokes

When you see someone with a double chin that’s sad:

Hey come on, man, keep your chin up. Wait, which one?

My favorite dark joke is orphan jokes. For no apparent reason.

Hickory dickory dock. My wife avoids my cock. She's losing her and having an affair. So I had to slap Chris Rock.

Your hairline is so bent, the McDonald's logo hairline made fun of it.

-E-

These orphan jokes are getting old. I mean, seriously, haven't you got something better to tell?

Draw deez nuts.

Little Johnny when he makes a Uranus joke:

Little Johnny: I have achieved comedy! 😂😂😂😂😂

What show do gay men watch?

"2 and a Half Men!"

Lol at this one fellas!

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

Goofy ahh jokes below.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.

I asked an angel, "How did I die?"

"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."

My friend said he wanted to die, and I told him not to jump. But when he screamed, "Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and welcome to Jackass!" I knew it was over.

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.

Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?

Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.

|| 20 YEARS LATER ||

Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?

Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.

Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.

I was gonna make a gay joke but fuck it.

What did one chair say to the other?

"I'm so bummed out!"

I'd tell you a 9/11 joke, but it'd fly over your head and into the Twin Towers.

It looks like Will Smith slapped your hairline so hard that the dinosaurs can see it now.

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would it be?

In Afghanistan, it would be "Twelve Years a Slave!" 🤣

Have you heard about the guy whose friends teased him because he pays for sex? He doesn't pay anymore.