How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
Comedy Jokes
These murder jokes are just KILLING me!
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
How did you get Sally into a blender?
- Without much resistance.
How do you get Sally out of a blender?
- Tortilla chips.
Apparently, I'm a category for jokes now. Hmm... ok!
#HOMIEZ4Life
P.S. Say "crack my finger," now say it backwards :)
Why didn't the Japanese guy get a high five?
Logan Paul left him hanging.
Communist jokes aren't funny unless everyone gets them.
I would tell a pussy joke, but you would never get it.
There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed, and they all went to heaven.
God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said, "I want to be handsome." God granted his wish. The second guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the first guy." God granted his wish. The third guy said, "I want to be more handsome than the second guy." God granted his wish, and this continued on and on until the 15th ugly guy. The ugly guy was laughing, really hard. "What is your wish?" God asked him. "I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!!!" God granted his wish.
Why does Sans like puns so much? Probably because he finds them humorous.
Who goes to a comedian show and gets offended?
A feminist.
How many shades of gray does it take to make a dirty movie?
50.
What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?
Acne comes on your face when you're 13.
Alien vs Predator.
Cosby vs E.T.
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."
What do you call a magic owl? Hoo-dini.
I heard a joke about heavy metal earlier. It was pretty ironic.
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker’s circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his driver (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
“I have an idea, boss,” his driver said. “I’ve heard you give this speech so many times. I’ll bet I could give it for you.” Einstein laughed loudly and said, “Why not? Let’s do it!”
When they arrived at the dinner, Einstein donned the driver's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The driver gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein’s speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody’s fool. Without missing a beat, the driver fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, “Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my driver, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me.”
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
