Come

Come jokes

A girl comes up to her dad and says, "Can I borrow the car tonight? I want to go to this party." Dad says, "If you give a head job..." The girl says, "You're my dad! How can you say that?" Dad says, "If you want the car..." The girl thinks, "Okay." She starts. Dad says, "That tastes like sh*t." Dad: "Yeah, your brother wanted the car this morning."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are robbing a bank. The police are soon after them, so they hide in a bunch of barrels.

The police arrive and search the area. They come over to the barrel where the brunette is hiding and kicks it. The brunette says, "Woof."

"Oh, it's just a dog," says the police officer, and then kicks the second barrel where the redhead is hidden. The redhead says, "Meow."

"Oh, it's just a cat," says the officer, then kicks the last barrel where the blonde is hidden. The blonde says, "Potato."

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

There once was a man from Peru who dreamed he was eating his shoe.

He woke up at night, with a terrible fright, to find out his dream had come true.

Sans: Pap, your spaghetti is bonearific.

PaprUs: Sans, no. Aw, your funny bone is not working; come on, that one was a rib tickler.

Recent attempts to defund Special Olympics have organizers scrambling to come up with more corporate sponsorship... targeted companies include:

Kleenex

Depends

Bicycle Helmet manufacturers

Velcro Shoe manufacturers

Steven Hawkings Publishers

I was out ice fishing and had no nibbles all morning.

About noon, this old guy comes out, drills a hole near mine, and starts catching fish as fast as he can bait the hook. I was getting frustrated without any luck, so I went over to ask him his secret. He said "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg."

I said, "Excuse me, I didn't get that?" so he mumbles even louder, "Ymd ggt tm kppp tth yaems womg!" I shook my head and said, "I'm sorry, but I still didn't understand what you said."

Frustrated, the man spits out a wad out of his mouth and says, "YOU HAVE TO KEEP THE WORMS WARM!"

Ever wonder why pandas are endangered? Well, China's overcrowded, and therefore they're starving. They have to eat...

Panda: "My god. They're coming! Run! They're hungry! Run! Roll down the hill!"

Chinese People At Bottom Of Mountain With Spears: "Ching chong wing bong KABOB!!!"

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what's for dinner? She says, "Dad's gonna grill wieners!"

What's the difference between MetaCareForAll and the resurrection of our lord and savior Jesus Christ?

One of them is an unrealistic fantasy that can never come true because it wouldn't work. The other one is the resurrection our lord and savior Jesus Christ.

So, two cats, one English (named "One Two Three Cat") and one French (named "Un Deux Trois Cat"), are walking through a forest and come across a river. To have a little fun, they decide to have a race across the river.

One Two Three Cat swam across, and when he finished the race, he looked behind him. "Un Deux Trois Cat" was nowhere to be seen. So "One Two Three Cat" figured that "Un Deux Trois Cat" sank.

How come lepers don't play cards?

Well, if they lose a couple of hands...

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun."

Guy 2: "Alright. What's the difference between a tuna fish, a piano, and a tube of glue?"

Guy 1: "Ok, that last one was random as heck. What is the difference?"

Guy 2: "You can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna."

Guy 1: "Ok, where does the glue come in?"

Guy 2: "Ah, I knew you'd get stuck on that."

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    • How can you make a orphans hand bleed?

    Real them to clap until there parent come home.

    I told my friend to watch Naruto. It's been a week since I've seen him. Hope he comes back in one piece.